Diet Rules

Photo: flickr user Divik

Preparation

If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.

When drinking diet cola with a chocolate bar, the chocolate bar is cancelled out by the cola.

When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you eat less than them.

Food used for medical purposes does NOT count, for example: Hot Chocolate, Toast, Cheesecake and Vodka.

If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.

Cinema related foods have zero calories, as they are part of an entertainment package and not counted as food intake (this includes: popcorn, chocolate bars, maltezers, javas and slurpees).

Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking up the calories cause leakages.

Foods licked from knives and forks have no fat, if you are in the process of cooking something.

Foods that are the same color have the same amount of fat (eg. spinach and peppermint ice-cream , apples and red jelly snakes).

Chocolate is like a food wild card. It can be substituted for any food color.

Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of the calorie mass.

Food consumed from someone else's plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (Oh, how fat loves to cling.)